Trochee Fixation

Girl: Robot ninja! Pirate doctor laser monkey! Narwhal zombie badger hobo bacon kitty captain penguin raptor jesus! Scientist (to guy): We'd been seeing this brain damage for years, but only recently did our linguists identify the pattern behind it. Scientist: The patients fixate on animals and types of people whose names are trochees (two syllables, with the accent on the first). The malfunction causes a rush of dopamine whenever these trocheese are heard or spoken. [[Chart shows "internet" and "brain," with arrows marked "trochees" traveling both ways between them. An arrow marked "dopamine" loops from the brain back to the brain.]] The warning signs appear in childhood: [[Child sits in front of TV.]] Child: Yeah! Mighty teenage morphin' ninja power mutant turtle rangers! Social reinforcement focuses the fixation on a few dozen words. Guy (off-panel): Is there a cure? [[Girl is reclining under a big machine pointed at her face.]] Scientist: We're about to try a radical trocheeotomy. Guy: Rip out her vocal chords? I'm in favor. Scientist: No, we're modifying her vocabulary* to erase the words she's fixated on. *Digitoneurolinguistic hacking! It's totally real! Ask Neal Stephenson. Scientist: Either the gap will be filled by normal words, or she'll just generate a new set of trochees. Scientist: Here goes. [[She pulls the lever on a large panel.]] <<kachunk bzzzZZZZZZ>> [[Girl is waking up.]] Girl: ... GzZhRmPh ... Girl ... banjo turtle! Girl: Jetpack ferret pizza lawyer! Dentist hamster wombat plumber turkey jester hindu cowboy hooker bobcat scrapple! Scientist (off-panel): Sigh. Scientist: Time for plan B. Scientist: Someone get a brick. {{Title text: If you Huffman-coded all the 'random' things everyone on the internet has said over the years, you'd wind up with, like, 30 or 40 bytes *tops*.}}

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