HOW TO
Absurd Scientific Answers to
Common Real-world Problems

Rubber and Glue

[[A playground. The black hat is large on one child, who is sitting and reading. Other children surround him.]] Kid A: Whatchya reading, hatboy? Hatboy: The CRC Handbook of Chemistry and Physics. Kid B: You are such a loser, it's painful . Hatboy: I'm rubber, you're glue. Kid A: Yeah, well-- Hatboy: Glue can't speak. Hatboy: You try to scream, but your mouth fills with glue. Hatboy: Your face is glue. Your body is glue. [[The black hat child stands up, leaving the book closed on the ground. He holds his hand out to the other children.]] Hatboy: I wrap my rubber arms around your sticky bulk. Hatboy: Your neoprene base bonds instantly with my surface. Hatboy: Never to let go. [[The view zooms in dramatically on the hat child, whose fists are clenched.]] Hatboy: You are glue. I am rubber. Hatboy: Staring at you with my dead, rubber eyes-- Hatboy: Forever. Kid A: Moooom! {{Title text: I'm rubber. You're rubber. We contemplate the reality of our existence in mute, vulcanized horror.}}

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