Kola Borehole

[[A woman and black hat guy sit at desks, their backs to each other, each using a laptop.]] Woman: Ever hear of the Kola borehole? Black hat guy: No - what's that? Woman: A Soviet project to drill deap into the earth's crust. [[The woman turns around; we see her head and shoulders.]] Woman: There's a hoax report claiming that their drill broke through into a superhot cavern, and when they lowered a microphone into the hole, they heard tormented screaming. People say that's why the miners sealed the well and abandoned the project. [[The woman turns back to her laptop.]] Black hat guy: Why would anyone believe that story? Woman: I guess some people think Hell is literally an underground place. [[Black hat guy turns around and addresses the woman.]] Black hat guy: No - I mean, why would the miners seal the opening? Why not just dig a canal connecting it to the ocean? Unless they like Hell. [[The woman turns back around.]] Woman: ... If there's ever a war between earth and Hell, I hope I'm on your side. Black hat guy: You seem nice; you probably won't be. {{Title text: Tonight's top story: Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness, died in his home this morning at the age of [unintelligible rune]. Due to the large number of sharks inhabiting his former kingdom, no body could be recovered.}}

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