Secretary: Part 5

{{The Senate. Hat Guy sits before the committee at his hearing to become Internet Secretary.}} Chairman: We were convened here to review your nomination for the position of internet secretary. Chairman: However, on review of your qualifications, we've decided to sentence you to death. Chairman: An unorthodox move, sure. But the vote was unanimous. {{Hat Guy is leaning back in his chair.}} [[Meanwhile . . .]] Tron Paul: There's no grid! How do I steeeeer!!!!! {{Back at the Senate. Hat Guy is standing.}} Hat Guy: Well, it's been fun. But I was never actually interested in taking the position. Good lord; listening to internet arguments all day? No thank you. Chairman: Then why did you sit through all those hearings? Hat Guy: It was taking us a while to move the pumps into the maintenance tunnels. {{The committee members murmur among themselves.}} {{There is a panel in the floor between Hat Guy and the committee.}} <<RUMBLE>> <<plink>> <<plink>> {{A red playpen ball bursts out of the panel and rolls towards the committee chairman.}} <<plink>> {{The room is still. Hat Guy's arms are folded.}} {{A geyser of red, white, and blue playpen balls bursts through the panel in the floor. Hat Guy is already gone.}} <<FOOM>> {{The committee members chase Hat Guy out the door as the Senate floor floods with playpen balls.}} {{The chase continues into the rotunda, as does the flood of playpen balls.}} {{Hat Guy stands in the middle of the rotunda as it fills with playpen balls, surrounded by members of the committee.}} Committee Members: Security! Someone! Committee Members: Get Him! {{Tron Paul bursts through the wall.}} <<CRASH>> Tron Paul: Aaaaa! {{Hat Guy grabs the bottom of the lightcycle as Tron Paul goes by.}} <<snag>> Tron Paul: Hey! {{Hat Guy swings onto the top of the light cycle.}} {{Hat Guy crouches on top of the light cycle.}} Tron Paul: Get Off! {{Tron Paul and Hat Guy crash through the far wall of the rotunda.}} <<CRASH>> {{Tron Paul hits the ground.}} <<WHAM>> Tron Paul: Ow! {{Hat Guy runs away.}} Tron Paul: Ughhh. {{The lightcycle disappears.}} Tron Paul: I feel queasy . . . Cory Doctorow, above: Hey! Hat Guy: Hi, Cory. Cory Doctorow: Need a lift? Hat Guy: Sure. {{Hat Guy and Cory Doctorow depart in Doctorow's balloon.}} Cory Doctorow: So are you, like, a fugitive now? Hat Guy: Well, I never did give them my name . . . [[But in the rotunda]] {{Senators play in the playpen balls.}} Senators: Let's jump down here from the balcony! Senators: Senior senators first! Senators: Wheeee! Senators: I'm a submarine! [[All is forgiven.]] {{title text: And they choose Al Gore as Internet Secretary.}}

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Tips on technology and government,
Climate FAQ, Katharine Hayhoe

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