Base System

[[A man and woman are talking; she's sitting on the back of a chair with her feet on the seat, and he's sitting on the floor facing her.]] Woman: So how far did you get with her? Man: Second base? Woman: Wait, which one is that? Below the waist, but... not under the clothes? Man: I think that's... shortstop? Woman: You should try crossing the pitcher's mound. Then down the 50-yard line, and right past her ten-pin. Man: Sounds tricky. Woman: Yeah. Last time I tried it, I got a red flag. If you know what I mean. Man: I really don't. [[A diagram of a baseball diamond.]] The "Base" Metaphor Explained [[Bases and x points are marked, as well as dashed lines covering the field.]] [[Along the first base line is "Your Base"]] [[Slightly right of that is a binary base: 0110 0010 0110 0001 0111 0011 0110 0101 0010 0000 0011 0010] [[First base: Kissing]] [[Second base: Hands under the shirt and or licking]] [[Third base: Oral sex (formerly "hands in the pants")]] ((The following are x marks. Slightly right of home plate: Eye contact. Along the first base line: Passing notes. Slightly before first base: Downloading Star Trek fanfiction and replacing Riker's name with your Crush's. Right field: Eye contact from Janeane Garofalo. Between the pitcher and second base: Using the scroll thingy on that one Apple mouse. Near the shortstop: Dry humping. Left of second base: Fursuits. Farther left: Fursuits (crotchless). Just before home plate: Thigh contact. Beyond 3rd base, along the 3rd base line: Standing anywhere near Peaches. Foul of the third base line: Anal sex (fill in your won "Foul Ball" pun here.) Left outfield: 2outfielders1glove. Left outfield: Retrograde wheelbarrow.)) ((The following are dashed lines: A region along the line from first to second base: The Boring Zone. A line traveling across the second to third baseline, and towards home plate: The orgasm line. ((dry humping is on the "orgasm" side.)) Between third base and home: "Virginity" (Maginot) line.)) ((Arrows pointing out various other features: An arrow crossing the "Virginity" line: Teens. An arrow nearer to home plate: Sharing root PWs. An arrow crossing the orgasm line in the outfield: Napoleon's forces.)) {{Title text: I once got to second base with a basketball player. She was so confused.}}

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